Virtual Library

A secret corner of the museum, covered in cobwebs, Notley Nook contains daft definitions of words. Maybe, one day, a new dictionary will be printed...

A

Abacus – a well-known Norwegian group that swears (Kate Dunbar)

Alpine – what you say when your loved one is leaving for a long time (Maggie Elliott)

Antagonist – relative who writes the agony column in a newspaper (Maggie Elliott)

Approximate – closest thing to a friend (Bob Pembroke)

Attitude – dog ruined my trilby (Kate McDonald)

Autosuggestion – a car salesman's advice (David Silver)

B

Ballroom – baggy underwear (Kay Reeves)

Banner – don’t let her back in (Bob Pembroke)

Billowed – unpaid debt (Michael Rumsey)

Blurb – a sound emitted by politicians on a regular basis (Malcolm Richardson)

Brink – cold squid (Christine Nedahl)

Bulldozer – sleeping male bovine (Michael Rumsey)

C

Carpet – back window nodding dog (Christine Nedahl)

Catchment – selection intended (Christine Nedahl)

Content – a happy camper (Shanne Wolberg)

Continent - accident-free (Glo Curl)

Cooker – chef who also works as a prostitute (Bob Pembroke)

Cryptic – mark made on the basement door (Kay Reeves)

D

Debris – de French cheese (Lesley Anne Truchet)

Defeat – de limbs at the end of de legs (Maggie Elliott)

Dipthong – quick swim in skimpy underwear (Fung Sing)

Doorknob – bouncer at a night club (Kate Dunbar)

Drabble – a gathering of one-hundred daft definition writers (Anita Bowden)

Dynasty – evening meal with the pigs (Michael Rumsey)

E

Editing – bashing your head in the East End of London (Amanda Jane Davies)

Emery – smooth 70's comedian (Kennedy Meecham)

Endear – a lobe (Michael Rumsey)

Epicentre – point of entry of an EpiPen (Maggie Elliott)

Exit – used to be ‘it’ but now isn’t (Kay Reeves)

Expert – used to be cheeky (Kay Reeves)

F

Factory – a place for producing conservatives (Bob Pembroke)

Fallow – the direction you go when you lose your footing (Kelly Jeanne)

Fluvial – a small container to carry medicines for common ailments (Kiran Ramachandran)

Flycatcher – a person who assists in zip and button closure (Claudia Nicholson)

Folio – unfriendly Lion (John Notley)

Freezer – a jolly good fellow (Kay Reeves)

G

Galaxy – being spaced out while eating a chocolate bar (Jasmin Al Jarrah)

Gastric – lighting one’s farts (Chris Green)

Gastronome – a small person with good taste (John Notley)

Geodesy – Greek saga (Michael Rumsey)

Glowing Report – written too near the reactor (Glo Curl)

Guidelines – camping info (Christine Nedahl)

H

Heavyweight – the Mrs (Bob Pembroke)

High Five – Rolling Stones stoned (Val Fish)

Highlight – a lighthouse (Michael Thurgood)

Himalaya – mistaken gender of fowl (Christine Nedahl)

Hole-puncher – machine for making small, useless circles (Kay Reeves)

Hyphen – hyperactive hen (Pat Mudge)

I

Ice cap – bag placed on head to treat hangover (Maggie Elliott)

Incendiary – explosive tell-all (Mandy Garzia)

Insight – seen at close distance (John Notley)

Invest – not fully naked (David Silver)

Irate – optician report (Christine Nedahl)

Irony – a bionic knee (Jayne Morgan)

J

Jamboree – someone who talks a lot about jam (Amanda Jane Davies)

Jargon – lost your jam container (Kennedy Meecham)

Jonkoping – Swedish way of assuring that a man is steadily recovering from tragedy or trauma (Kiran Ramachadran)

Jonkoping – Swedish way of assuring that a man is steadily recovering from tragedy or trauma (Kiran Ramachadran)

Jotting – cross between trotting and jogging (Kay Reeves)

K

Kernel – a nutty army officer (Michael Rumsey)

Ketchup – a good gossip (John Notley)

Kinesthetic – beautiful family (Christine Nedahl)

Kiwi – the act of locking the toilet door (Kay Reeves)

Knowlegable – now able to balance on a ledge (Shanne Wolberg)

Krakatoa – stubbing your foot – very painful (Boakesey Closs)

L

Lagoon – a French eccentric / fool (Kiran Ramachandran)

Latex – the reason he’s no more (Christine Nedahl)

Laureate – cafe at a lorry park (Maggie Elliott)

Lobster – undersea gangster (Bob Pembroke)

Lumberjack – put all the blame on Jack (Bob Pembroke)

Lunatic – a twitch in the moon (Michael Rumsey)

M

Manchester – a bloke who walks around with no top on (Amanda Jane Davies)

Meanie – the middle part of my leg (Allen Ashley)

Mendicant – totally useless at DIY (Kate Dunbar)

Meter – introduction to wife (Kay Reeves)

Miscalculation – unmarried female mathematician (Michael Rumsey)

Mondegreen – a new environmental campaigning organisation made up of young people dedicated to the wellbeing and protection of the natural world (Barbara Noble)

N

Neighbourhood – gangster living next door (Maggie Elliott)

Nightingale – evening spent in heavy winds (Bob Pembroke)

Notice – water (Michael Thurgood)

Nobel – please knock (Michael Rumsey)

Nomad – sane (Michael Rumsey)

Numbskull –feeling after heavy drinking session (Val Fish)

O

Offence – finally making a decision (Bob Pembroke)

Optimistic – suffering from cataracts (Julie Dron)

Onomatopoeia – urinating on the bathroom mat (Shanne Wolberg)

Orchard – you don’t have to have sprouts (Christine Nedahl)

Over – what you wish a cricket match was (Kay Reeves)

Oxford – where the bovines cross the river (Kay Reeves)

P

Paddywack – shillelach (Maggie Elliott)

Paragon – shout heard when a parachutist leaps from a plane (Maggie Elliott)

Pastoral – success in a spoken test (Michael Rumsey)

Principal – friend of the King’s son (Michael Rumsey)

Promiscuous – the art of making promises (Amanda Jane Davies)

Pathos – the fifth musketeer (Barbara Noble)

Q

Quackers – nursery for ducklings (Christine Nedahl)

Quadrant – four siblings arguing (Maggie Elliott)

Quarry – question and worry about one's actions simultaneously (Shanne Wolberg)

Questionaire – to find the level of pollution (John Notley)

Quicksand – a warning cry to stop someone getting that sinking feeling (Val Fish)

Quintessential – the five senses (Lesley Anne Truchet)

R

Rainbow – the knot used to fasten an umbrella (Kay Reeves)

Ramparts – pieces of male sheep (Bob Pembroke)

Readership – a floating bookshop (Maggie Elliott)

Review – double take (Kay Reeves)

Rubicon – fraud involving a precious stone (Michael Rumsey)

Rumpus – liquor loving noisy cat (Christine Nedahl)

S

Sandwich – desert sorceress (Archie Iyer)

Scree – sound made by a climber, falling off a cliff, cut off short (Boaksey Closs)

Senile – visit Egypt (Kate Dunbar)

Stash – remainder of wooden staircase after a fire (Boakesey Closs)

Suspense – the delicate mood in the junk drawer (Mandy Garzia)

Syntax – extra tax levied in Ann Summers goods (Maggie Elliott)

T

Terrain – wet stuff from t' sky (Glo Curl)

Tick – insect found squashed on your homework (Kay Reeves)

Tmesis – what my brother used to say to me when we were playing rugby with friends in our back garden (Barbara Noble)

Truculent – the lorry you allowed someone to borrow (Michael Rumsey)

Tweezers – wee teasers, also known as smarty-pants tiny tots (Mandy Garzia)

Typist – an inebriated stenographer (John Notley)

U

Underscore – failing to make the grade (Melanie Barrow)

Undersecretary – a happy executive (Lesley Anne Truchet)

Universe – a single stanza poem (Boakesey Closs)

Until – where the UN keep their money (Kay Reeves)

Universe – one line poem (Maggie Elliott)

Urinal – Al has been accepted (Lesley Anne Truchet)

V

Vanish – like a small lorry (Michael Rumsey)

Veil – something tagged on to Noah but with no success (Michael Rumsey)

Vent – an opening on the Earth's surface that, because of lack of therapy, has a need for an occasional rant (Kelly Jeanne)

Verses – up against (Shanne Wolberg)

Viking – compete to be royalty (Shanne Wolberg)

Vinaigrette – remorse from drinking too much wine (Barbara Noble)

W

Wagga Wagga – a very happy dog (Chris Fielden)

Weatherman – indecisive male (Maggie Elliott)

Weeding – small dent after car crash (Bob Pembroke)

Winning streak – first past the post in a nude race (Maggie Elliot)

Winsome – occasionally lucky (Glo Curl)

Writer’s Block – apartment building specifically for authors (Maggie Elliott)

X

X-ray – bloke who changed his name to Bill (Michael Rumsey)

Xerophily – no Welsh cheese (Lesley Anne Truchet)

Xerophyte – complete absence of violence (Kiran Ramachandran)

Xerosere – Xero has just arrived (Lesley Anne Truchet)

Xmas – loss of some bulk (Michael Rumsey)

Xyst – to be (Mandy Garzia)

Y

Yakitori – verbose Conservative member of parliament (Barabara Noble)

Yellow Fever – attack of cowardice (Val Fish)

Yellowstone – when you gotta go, you gotta go (David Ball)

Yertle – gargling in a Siberian tent (Lynn Zeleski)

Yodel – what the delivery driver does when your bell isn't working (Boakesey Closs)

Yoghurt – aching muscles after yoga class (Shanne Wolberg)

Z

Zealous – the nasty creature that inhabits intimate areas (Liz Berg)

Zero – the last line of seats in a theatre (Michael Rumsey)

Zircon – husband of Lady Con (Kay Reeves)

Zoological – intellectual animals (Christine Nedahl)

Zootopia – animal heaven (Christine Nedahl)

Zzzzz – a severe case of writer’s block (Malcolm Richardson)